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Saturday, February 28, 2009


RENEW

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." -Romans 12:2 (NIV)

This is a pretty familiar verse where many if not most of us have ever come across with. A verse that speaks so much to us but have we really ponder what it speaks. I really understand what it means to read the bible with the HEAD and with the HEART. =] Many a time, I will read a verse in different versions of the bible to get the best understanding of what it is trying to say and for this verse, I like "The Message" version.

"Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you." -Romans 12:2 (The Message)

Have we ever thought how powerful our mind is?
Have we ever believe that our thinking can change our life?
Have we ever try to test my mind to believe the IMPOSSIBLE?

Recently, I had few chats with different people who care for me. They asked about my life and how's everything going. I am overwhelmed by their gestures, love and thoughts for me. Well, many of the conversation concluded that I have changed (for the better). Some said physically (more glow hor!), while others said emotionally, never to lost track those who mentioned SPIRITUALLY. =]] But in everything and all saying, I said thank you and as I reflect, I don't think I did change; except in one area of my life, MY THINKING. Just yesterday, an "angel" spoke and he said, that's exactly what it is, it is because of your thinking, everything evolves around me CHANGE and the above verse STRUCK my spirit.

Having to ask myself, "Am I strong enough to think I could have overcome?" Seriously, I DOUBT SO. I never believe I would. NEVER. (this is just the word, NEVER) I thought I would walk my life in such a state for the rest of my life, for I felt even time can't help me. Well, as negative as I was, a part of me from God is ALWAYS POSITIVE. With that small portion of optimism, I walked a step at a time. Have I fell while walking? Of course I did! Each fall was painful, but that didn't stop me from standing up to try again.

Every fall I made, I just tell myself, "Just a little more". I saw myself crying upon every fall. I saw myself being all alone where no one fully understands. I saw I was dumb enough to nurse my pain. I also saw myself thinking. Just to sum it all, the falls in life didn't stop me from moving front, rather it gave me more reason to head on. Trust me, the pain was many times unbearable, many times never to be understood.

So why didn't I give up?
I don't know.
Guess I have heard enough to harden myself. It was bad enough to want to change the history to become a life legacy. I don't know why, but I just want to do the unknown. =]] (*stubborn*) Or maybe I believe in a God who judge! (haha) That's why I am entrusting my life to the best I can and the lives of people around me, simply because I know when I see God one day, He will ask me, "How have you live this life I have had given to you?" I want to say to God, I have done the best I could and try to do the best I can; and to hear Him said, "My good and faithful servant!" God is awesome!

***aaaa, I seems to have side-tracked abit, but who cares, this is my blog***

Think right and you will be fine =]

God and Time will be my ultimate healer. For God will reveal and break what's not right and time will show what's wrong! Praise God for time. Remember, be humble today for whatever you have is GIVEN, not earned!

love love love,
daphne

9:04:00 PM

Friday, February 27, 2009


My history is part of His Story for me!

After growing tired of everything, is just time to tap into God's strength to carry on! Many a time, I find myself so weak but yet whenever I see myself overcoming it, I can't help but to thank God and praise Him for what He is doing in my life. Honestly speaking, MOST if not many of the times, I NEVER understand why God allow such things to happen!

I have grown tired of it and God just speak a word to convince me!
FORGIVENESS

I have never felt so tired in doing what I am tasked until this time round, because I found out, I did the wrong way. And the spirit came to teach me the right way, I felt relieved, I felt light and most importantly, I know is from God. Remember not to nurse your hurt, but to always keep your eyes to the Holy of Holies. Even till today, I never understand how could everything be like this, but nevertheless, I know there's a reason for everything that's happening in every season of my life. Not just did I know, I believe. =]]

I remembered my Cell Group Leader shared with us in the Cell Group Meeting, as long as we are on our way to solve this jigsaw puzzle, the puzzle will be ugly because it is not complete. The picture will only be amazingly beautiful when the last piece is fixed into it and we see the BIG PICTURE of everything. When he said that, I can imagine God playing the jigsaw puzzle and the "outcome" of the picture is my life story on earth! I can't see the outcome but I know that God is fixing it well with every piece that He is choosing.

I know I am smiling at the storm of life because I have had and will continue to trust God as I walked this way. I am happy and God is indeed very good to me.

WHY?

Because He sent me amazing boys into my life. They are awesome; beyond what I can describe. They are the great and they treat me like a princess, made me feel love and willing to walk with me through the journey ahead in front of me. They are great, but like what I promised, even as much as I want to be in a relationship, I want to be fair to them. I want him (the ultimate one) to know I love him for who he really is and not because I was replacing him with what was lost. Anyway, they know I am enjoying their presence and most importantly, I am enjoying single-hood and serving the Lord.

Time will tell. =]

PS : Do watch the show "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" and "Marley and Me". These two movies are the best shows I have had ever watched. The plot and the story line is amazing, what's more they have a storybook.

Somethings we can really learn from movie. I have realized true love are not found, they are build by the couples. Troubles and pain are just part and parcel of life. It is how you overcome as 1 (when 2 become 1). When we are overwhelmed by the surrounding, take charge and bite the bullet of pain TOGETHER.

DO NOT END WHAT YOU CAN MEND.
It is by no chance that 2 people meet and agree to come together. Love is no longer about just romance but really to appreciate and accept the person. We do not need the person to change for us because we love them for who they are, but a flip side of the coin says, if the person truly loves you, he/she will change just to fit you and your needs. True love is indeed about sacrificing. =]] AMEN!

I have grown up so much. My thinking has changed. My life is moving from glory to glory. PRAISE GOD.

love and lots of love,
daphne_chloe

8:58:00 PM

Friday, February 20, 2009


Give Thanks in trouble times

I have been doing a lot of self-check recently, simply because I believe in the lives of everyone, I believe in taking care of them like my own. I will try my best to limit what's unnecessary. I have been thinking and thinking and more thinking [hope I won't grow more white hair], and still I can't find a place where I can fight over myself. I even come to a stage I feel obligated being treated so well by guys around me. They may have feelings for me but what's amazing is, they don't care how I am reacting, they are willing to stand by me to see me fight through my life victoriously. Every time, I think of them, I really am overwhelmed by their gestures.

Like I said, I am not going to find a boyfriend for the sake of replacement, nor am I getting one for the fun of it. I even came to a point I asked myself why it is so different this time round? Had my brain pre-occupied by the past that the new things can't enter? I need a breakthrough. =]

I just think what does it really mean to move on?
What does it really mean to forget?
Will I still think of the past?
What's my conscious take?
Life goes on with lots of questions like these being unanswered, isn't it?

Well, time is in my hands, I don't have to be impatient. I just have to wait and trust God and do my part in moving on, the glorious day of victory will come. I just believe, with God I can do all things, and with Him, all things are made possible for me. Just as it is said in Psalm 33:22 "May Your unfailing love REST upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in You." Isn't God just amazing?!

Can you imagine :

If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it.
If He had a wallet, your photo would be in it.
He sends you flowers every spring, sunrise every morning.
Whenever you want to talk, He is there to listen.
He can live anywhere in the Universe, but He chose your heart.

As a reminder to all, God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way. =]

With Christ in the vessel, I can SMILE at the STORM. I TRULY CAN.

love,
daphne_chloe

4:17:00 PM

Thursday, February 19, 2009


How does it taste ALL OVER AGAIN?

As the title states, I think many knew what I am going to write.

It has been a mixed feeling of being loved and chased and felt like a princess again. It wasn't long before I truly understand what it meant to be the whole world of that man! =] I have never seen myself so happy and relaxed in the company of someone. I don't know why; it could purely because of emotions, but I do feel VERY different when I was with him.

I know and I know I WON'T get into another relationship now, not that I can't nor am I afraid of those tongues out there in the world, but why I refused to get into one relationship is because I really want to enjoy single hood and surely to be loved by someone (two or is it three) else. I want to stay myself focus in doing what I want; serving the Lord and be His light that shines. Well, the most important thing is I want to get to know each and everyone of them well enough first before I zoomed down to fully commit myself into that life again. =]

To me all of them are starting at the same line, be it the duration we knew each other. The love units in my account all start with a ZERO but I believe someone will one day be my HERO. =] I am not really desperate to get into a relationship now, because I am in no lack of love today, NO LACK. =]

A song I want to sing to my FUTURE MATE : (when I sing to you, you know what I mean)
98 Degrees - I Do (Cherish You)
All I am, all I’ll be
Everything in this world
All that I’ll ever need
Is in your eyes
Shining at me
When you smile I can feel
All my passion unfolding
Your hand brushes mine
And a thousand sensations
Seduce me ’cause I

I do cherish you
For the rest of my life
You don’t have to think twice
I will love you still
From the depths of my soul
It’s beyond my control
I’ve waited so long to say this to you
If you’re asking do I love you this much
I do

In my world, before you
I lived outside my emotions
Didn’t know where I was going
‘Till that day I found you
How you opened my life
To a new paradise
In a world torn by change
Still with all my heart
‘Till my dying day

Love,
daphne_chloe

2:18:00 PM

Tuesday, February 17, 2009


As I have promised, I will blog about my breakthrough and experiences about my Morning Prayer Meeting in the second week of February. Many could have heard of my spiritual-emotional attack the day before Morning Prayer Meeting starts. *To be optimistic, it is only through attacks we encounter breakthrough*


I was eager for this Prayer Meeting because I will have the chance to pray with my all-time favorite prayer partner, Weiyu. It is really amazing how God allows us to encourage each other to seek Him in anytime of our lives. Anyway, it was tough to wake up early in the morning when you end the day before late and having the mentality that there’s another prayer meeting in the evening. It was a “pain” to many if they are in my shoes, especially so that they don’t have to work. =]


It was tough and painful for me to do it, but I know yet that these have been these days where I have been waiting for. It is because I have seen how God never shortchanged those people who truly seek Him and forget about who they are to pursue their love for God. I set my alarm clock at 4.30am and I remembered because I was so devastated the day before, Sunday, I slept at about 2am. Yet at 4am on a Monday morning, I woke up. =] I told myself it is still early and my alarm clock has not rang, so I can stay in a little longer and as I closed my eyes I heard a voice that says, “Dear, this is the time of which you promised Me.” I knew it is God. And my wake up calls came at 4am EVERYDAY through the week! God is amazing, isn’t He! =]


Day 1 of prayer meeting – Renewing and restoring me

It was a heavy heart that I bring to the Hall in Heart of God Church. I know I have to lay at the altar of God from that moment on, yet as I pray and as I put down, it seems tough to even want to do it. I doubt my faith, my ability to trust God one more time. I don’t know, God seems far when I cry out to Him for my greatest need. I know I have to move on, even when a part of me doesn’t want to. I JUST GOT TO GET OUT AND MOVE ON. As we all know, it is easier to say than done, it is easier to think than act. Has my will-power got stronger with my faith-level? I doubt so. After about 20minutes of yelling to God in my prayer, a strong wind of peace got a hold of me. I felt someone “hugging” me and assuring me and with it, I heard “I know it all and I love you. Thank you for sharing and trusting in me; believing I will help you out” Tears almost fell down my cheeks. I wasn’t crying physically but inside of me, I know I am weeping like a baby. From there, I heard the Lord spoke, “Read Psalm 86”. I flipped my bible and I just can’t believe God is any more real than this; He spoke out from my heart!


Hear, O LORD, and answer me, for I am poor and needy.

Guard my life, for I am devoted to you.

You are my God; save your servant who trusts in you.

Have mercy on me, O Lord, for I call to you all day long.

Bring joy to your servant, for to you, O Lord, I lift up my soul.

You are forgiving and good, O Lord, abounding in love to all who call to you.

Hear my prayer, O LORD; listen to my cry for mercy.

In the day of my trouble I will call to you, for you will answer me.

Among the gods there is none like you, O Lord; no deeds can compare with yours.

All the nations you have made will come and worship before you, O Lord; they will bring glory to your name.

For you are great and do marvelous deeds; you alone are God.

Teach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name.

I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever.

For great is your love toward me; you have delivered me from the depths of the grave.

The arrogant are attacking me, O God; a band of ruthless men seeks my life - men without regard for you.

But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.

Turn to me and have mercy on me; grant your strength to your servant and save the son of your maidservant.

Give me a sign of your goodness, that my enemies may see it and be put to shame, for you, O LORD, have helped me and comforted me.


I left the place a little better but still I was down and in pain within my heart. I was crying like a baby when no one sees. I was hiding behind the curtain where no one can find me. But above all, I took what I have to trust and turn to God. I know when everything can goes wrong, it will, but my God is faithful and true; He is the same yesterday, today and forevermore. =] *thank God*


Day 2 of Prayer Meeting – The Lord will help; He is strengthening me today.

Today was much more painful than yesterday because I “confronted” and got my queries answered. I was more disappointed than what it was all to be. I didn’t really any happier or easier to get to prayer meeting today, but like said, it is a promised unto God, I will do so. For my love for God, I will just do it, even when I may not feel good in doing so. I was really lost and numb; pain and astray. Yet God is faithful till the end with me and for me. I know my prayer that morning was pure “dumb” of myself, I cried out to God and said, “I don’t want to carry on anymore, I don’t want to live, I want to give up everything that I have”. I yelled and yelled, mumbled, grumbled, complaint and saying, bitching and nagging, I stopped as I grew tired of doing so. I heard that voice and it says, “If there is no one who you can live for, you live for ME.” And there I saw, God picked me out from Hell to reality. He continued to say, “He will be back and trust me on my plans for your life.” It was a total remorseful moment when God enlightened my heart, I plead for forgiveness and the strength to move on the way God wants me to do so. =]


Day 3 of Prayer Meeting – God restored; His healing power is INSTANT

I know today is just different. I woke up with a joy that I know won’t be fake. I know the joy that’s within me, the cup that’s overflowing. Today is just a totally different day. =] Go d has been good to me, so when I started praying today, I was just thanking the Lord for the joy that He is pouring unto me, and the live He is restoring back to me. I know it is just God doing His work in me. Today, I know nothing is too tough for me to handle because God had given me what He knew I will overcome, but not overcome by my own, but overcome together with Him. God is not a God who loves to see us in pain, He is screaming from Heaven to see us rejoicing in breakthrough which He had prepared for you and me! =] Just like the Lord promised in His word in Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Nothing is impossible with God who is in me! Thus seek FIRST the Kingdom of God and everything will be added unto you.


God had asked me to listen and as I listen; this is the song God wants me to hear.

I can see the glory of the Lord

Falling from Heaven

Falling around me

I can hear the calling of the Lord

Drawing me closer

Into Eternity

Holy Ghost

Breathe upon me

Into my soul

Fill me with glory

All my life

I want to sing

Praises to You

Here in Your Sanctuary


Day 4 of Prayer Meeting – Give thanks for Deliverance and Breakthrough

I didn’t make it for Morning Prayer Meeting today in Heart of God Church, I went to Riverwalk instead. When I was there, I saw my Cell Group members and Cell Group Leader too. I saw the hunger in all of us to just want to seek God and hear from God; standing in the gap to just pray and believe in God. As I enter the hall, I was feeling pretty easy and tuning to God was like a norm. I felt free when I start to pray and I could feel the presence of God. I saw NEW level ahead of me, I saw NEW wine that’s replacing the old, and I saw NEW of everything that God had changed for me. He is speaking to me, “The old has passed and the NEW has come.” I saw myself reciting Psalm 23 and thanking the Lord for His ever-true promises in my life. I yearned to have more of God and less of me and even when there is less of me, God spoke, “Nothing that forms against me can prosper.” God is far beyond what our human mind can truly imagine. He is too real to even resist. My cry that evening for a brand NEW level in serving Him.


*I saw “him” in Riverwalk too yet the feeling of seeing him is so much different from what it used to be. It goes to show, I have had already moved on, little did I know, but at some checkpoints, you will just see the results of your efforts.*


Day 5 of Prayer Meeting – Never Never Never Give up – Carry on that one MORE mile

Coming to the last of this month Prayer Meeting; I know it had just been yet the beginning. I thank God that I do have the habit of praying to Him not just only in Prayer Meeting, but yet I know such Prayer Meeting allows and tests our faith and love for God. How much are we willing to sacrifice for Him, not about compromising and making us comfortable, but truly sacrifice because of the love that we have. =] Without fail, God spoke to me again. He spoke words of encouragement to build me up and prepare me for a greater journey and blessings ahead of me. =] God says “Complete the race that I have begun in you not with your own strength and power but also often remember to lean and trust in Me!”


I felt Prayer Meeting was like a platform for us to get charged up for the greater journey ahead of us. =] Prayer Meeting has always been the most wonderful time of my life as I learn to cuddle in the presence of my God. Many asked how could I just make it for Prayer Meeting, I guess I have no idea why and how too, just by plain faith and love that I have with that Someone. Love does help to push you onto another level of sacrifice. Thank God.


To sum it all, how do I know I breakthrough? I know it not because I think so or I guess that God is doing a great work, I know it because I see where I was when I came for prayer meeting and where I had gone to after 5 days of prayer meeting. I also saw the different emotions that were brought out after these 5 days and my choices and decisions of every action I am taking. =] I saw a different me, a different view, a different of everything. Most importantly, I know it with the people around me who helped me through.

Praise God and Praise God forever.


Love,
daphne_chloe


4:51:00 PM

Sunday, February 15, 2009


CHECK CHECK =]

After a week, is time to do a self-check! *pat on my shoulder! -well done Daphne-

It has been a whole week of Prayer Meeting where I really encountered God in a different way. *promised I will blog about my experiences of this month Morning Prayer Meeting* Well, I guess in life there's a lot of things could be just handled by will. The will in our mind and the will of choice and decision that we are making. =] Many people spoke to me, out of concern and love, *truly appreciated*. I am glad that though I may not share a lot because I just don't want to bring up the past, but God seems to send these people into my live for a great purpose to give me the word in season. -Thank you so much for all your advices and words of encouragement-

I heard of a friend of mine who broke off not too long ago after years of relationship. I choose to believe it hurts both parties to end it there, but I think it will be wise to end now with tears than to live love in hell on earth. Both of them decided to move on. After about 6 months, both parties seems to found themselves with a love bank account of another person growing rapidly, but not to forget the old account that still left some penny of units. =] The gentleman before moving on was still concern of his ex, not because he still holds those love feelings, but truly he wishes the best for her and doesn't wish to hurt in any point of her life. He went that extra miles to check with her friends if she will be just perfect if he is going to have a new girlfriend. (I am not saying that if she is not okay, he won't get into his new love, but what he is doing is simply helping the girl to move on and being a support as a friend even though they aren't couple. (GENTLEMAN, or is that called manhood!)

The girl was pretty certain she was okay and happy to give them her blessings and soon she was attached too. Happy ending isn't it. Both ended the story well, and I seen that true gentleman is still available within us. =] Days passed by, and something happened. The girl THOUGHT she was OKAY, and she believes she is, but somehow; somewhat, something triggered into her heart. She found out that despite she mentioning that she had moved on, her emotions were not. She missed and cared a lot about him still. I guess that's woman, we take slightly longer to heal and recover, because we don't hide, we expressed it all and allow God and time to pull us through. =]

She broke off with her new found because she could feel that it was just a "replacement" for her. Well, it is strongly advise not to get into a relationship soon after break up because some residue is still left behind especially when feelings and love were greatly exchanged. *but I never say it is wrong to move on fast too, is our choice*

Well, with her blessings to him, she still holds on a bit even till today. When I heard of her story, it makes me think; deep thinking. Am I similar to her? I guess I am not as fortunate as she is, but somehow our stories seem familiar, but the outcome is different. I was questioned by my friend, "Have you EMOTIONALLY let go and moved on?" It kept me ponder for a minutes before I even utter my very first word. The first thing that ran through was "I HAVE MOVED ON!" But a while later, I think again and I ask within myself, "HAVE I REALLY MOVE ON; EVERY PART OF MY LIFE, HAVE I MOVED ON?" I can't find myself in any place where I have not moved on! Yes I still think of him but those thoughts don't last for a moment or two. =]

Don't get me wrong, I have not found a new guy to replace those thoughts, nor have I been filled up by those love units surrounding me. It was a choice that I have taken. I came across this saying "The scar will ALWAYS remains but what's great is, it no longer hurts" AMEN! This was part of the journey that I have taken with no regret and now the past is indeed behind me and he has all the best blessings I can ever afford to him.

People I know all of you are concern, but I do hope all of you understand and respect the choice I am taking. I don't need anyone to tell me anything about his well-being (not that I don't care) or "help" me condemn him for moving on so fast. I sincerely beg all of you to just accept the choice I am taking, and respect him for all that he is doing and have taken. Is better to not hold the grudge, leave the burden to Christ to carry for me. =]

*My goal is not to see myself attached again anytime soon, but to enjoy serving the Lord in Children Church and Cell Group. What's great is something can wait; so just wait.! =]

To some people out there:
I am not ready to get attached anytime soon, not because I am not ready, but I think it will just be fair for you and for myself. I want to find back my pace in life to do what I want to do. I am not saying that I am rejecting anyone of you but I just want to share that now is not the time for me to get into any relationship. =] If you guys really have feelings; deep feelings for me, you all will respect me and love me for whatever I am taking. Allow me to get to know more people and enlarge my circle first before I want to zoom down to anyone. Fill my love tank, though I know this is selfish, but I really choose to be selfish than to hurt you and myself in a long run. =]

*PS: I am happy to get to know more guys; many sweet and lovely, handsome and talented ones. Gosh, I don't want to live in the well anymore! I want to grow prettier too.*

love,
daphne

I used to think is good to be attached and Valentine day is sweet and romantic. But this year was really a different Valentine Day when someone expressed his feelings for you. I even make a joke out of it that if you are attached, you may just received a bouquet of roses or even none from your boyfriend, but this year, I received 2 bouquets. *check out my facebook for the pictures*

7:56:00 PM

Wednesday, February 11, 2009


I lay down my pain


This is not a judgmental entry is just a story from my side.

This entry is going to be super long and so along the way, if you may not feel comfortable in reading, my advice is you click the button on the top right hand corner with it a cross inside a red box if you are using Window and the square red cross button on the top left hand corner if you are a Mac user.
*This is just going to be my super personal and I am not afraid of what you guys are going to judge me and condemn me on or even going to see me from today onwards, because after this, I will lay it at the altar and truly move on.* - I am not hiding anything or details, so to whoever are reading, if it does offense you, I am sorry. Anyway, call me childish or naive, immature or inexperience, I am still going to write this down.

The shock of my life came just 3 days ago. I found my very FIRST boyfriend attached. It was just 2 months 6 days since the day we ended the journey. It was just about 5 months since we first got together and 8 months since we first known each other. Maybe I should have already expected it when I approached him FIRST as a friend again with the intention to start all over again in January this year. Many have had mentioned that he doesn't deserve me at all, but I made the choice to love this person that God has given me and chose to treasure him as much as I can. I always believe in God and His plans. Yet in return, I got nothing but 2 times of break up because of different reasons he gave to me with regards to who I am as a person.

There is no right or wrong person whom we love, is just a choice that we make in choosing our lives to love that person or not. Like someone mentioned to me, God gave us freewill. There are so many millions men/women around and if you choose person A, God will make it the best for you, and if you choose person B, God will still make the best out of it for you. Indeed, there is no right or wrong in choosing the partner we want, is the choice we make and allow God to help us through. Well, I never complaint anything rather behind very painful moment, I just wept silently. I braced through the pain and fought all over again for what I want and yet this news came to me. He flashed back something that NEVER changes about him. Was he desperate, I don’t know and I refused to know. Before me was another girl who he likes for a while, but after wooing, the girl still decided not to accept him, and then he gave up because I entered his life. For a moment later, when the girl hinted her love for him, he had already moved on (we are not together yet). It was just a short span of 2 months then too. This time round, the same thing happens again. How true it is, when you can't breakthrough, God will surely give it to you again and again, until He sees the breakthrough in you. The sad thing about breakthroughs from God is, if you don't learnt from the small pain, God will use "bigger" pain to teach.

Like what the bible says, "Whoever God loves, God chastens".

He never fights a lost battle. NEVER. I guess especially when it comes to love and woman. It is true nobody wants to be hurt, but love is a risk game that all of us will take at least one in our lives. Back to the point. I was really lost, at least for the past 2 days, I was feeling the worst of my life, because it seems tough to accept the fact and impossible to agree his actions when all he can reply to me was "I think many of your friends may think I am a jerk, but I don't care, cause I was conscious." I was so disappointed, because all he cares was how people looked at him. Yes MANY told me he is a JERK to leave me to die and clear up this mess all by myself, but to me, inside of me, I was just disappointed with his actions but the feeling and thought of him being a jerk NEVER existed.

Like I shared with many, there is nothing I can do. I can’t pray that they will break up and he will get back to me, because to him, we are the past and like he mentioned to me, "I will show how I love you to my NEW GIRLFRIEND." But I don't know how true this will be, because the Lord spoke to me in Prayer Meeting yesterday morning, "He will be back!" I laughed and within myself, my pride enters and I said, I don't want to share my boyfriend to someone and I don't want someone who can change his heart so fast.

I don't know, I will just wait and see how long can all this story be told. I can be a sure gal who can stand by you all the days of my life and I was sure enough to show you my love for you was never false. I don't know how to assure you and take away your insecurities when you mentioned you can't afford to get me a drum set. If it was tough for you to accept me when you know my heart was there always, I wonder what it will take if you ever see your girl in the arms of another guy. I know you can’t afford and you don’t have the capability to fight a battle where you know you are sharing! I don’t know, something is just meant to be. I know the love I found in you, it was NEVER the MONEY that you have; because you aren't rich, it was NEVER your look, because you aren't the most charming man I ever seen. It was just your love, your care and your thoughts, plus your sweet talk words that made my days worth carrying on.


Yet when I asked you have you ever thought of me when you decided to move on with her, you said you thought of everyone and that includes me! If I was naïve and a fool, I will be so happy with that. In the past, with those words, I will be chilled and smile but yesterday when you said that to me, I asked myself, if you do think of me, then how have you thought about my feelings and reactions if I were to see you attached? Have you been sensitive towards me with your actions? I questioned about myself and my acts and find what a fool I was after breakup to believe EVERY word that you said and changed just for you because I love you. I am willing to do anything and everything just for you. You said you want some space and don’t want to get into another relationship, so I accepted it, and I didn’t hold you tight. You said you want to save money because of the new phrase of your life, I respect that, that’s why I didn’t expect any Christmas present from you even when I know you spend $200 plus on your group of sheep. I never complain and I know I never will because I always give you the benefit of doubt that you know the best in every action you are taking.


To sum it all, why did I do it? To see you get a new girl and be happy with her? Anyway, I hate to be any noble, that’s why I write down exactly how I feel that I never get a chance to when we are together. I hate to tell you I wish you the best and from the bottom of my heart, I don’t want to wish you and I want to hate you like I told you, but yet I know it gain me nothing well in return; rather it hurts my relationship with God, so I want to wish you all the best for whatever it takes to be with her. There is everything I will give up just for you except my love and relationship with God. I will do anything and everything just for you, but I won’t do anything and everything that would cost me and my relationship with God; simply because I love God more than I love you. Call me spiritual; I don’t care because I know what it takes to follow Christ which you never know. I was spiritual but I was more practical than you can think of me to be.

I think if I carry on, the worst this post will get, so I think I better stop somewhere. Something that left me felt worst. There are many things that I can't turn around, but instead of being someone who people will love, you make yourself someone that people dislike and hate because of your pride, your words that contradict and your actions that kill. There are many people who stood by you, and so do I, but sometimes, you could have just missed the chance to gain the trust of people even more.


Have I not try my best? When I got to humble my pride and talk to you first but to you I never try; guess you are the one who didn’t.

Where were you when we are apart? You simply refused to even contact me, simply waiting for me to make the first move.

Have I not change and improve myself, yes I did and you took all for granted, thinking I will change and “obey” whatever you want me to do.

Have I not given much? As much as you do, I dare to say I didn’t give anything lesser. But you kept me thinking how much you sacrifice yourself just for me. –I really question that-

Have you realized the hurt you laid in my life? The moments your pride enters, the moments when your insecurity killed me.

The list goes on.


To you, whatever I had done was ALL wrong and you are right.
To you, I am forever immature and there are still plenty to know and you seem to reach the destination of life.
To you, I only rely on God and never was I practical and you are the one who knows what to do and what's right.
To you, I was forever that bad, even when you told me I am great, but behind me, I was so bad in your eyes.
To you, you only care for yourself.

You always tell me you don’t even know what I am thinking and have you ever thought for yourself why was I never daring enough to talk to you and share with you my life?

WHY?

Because before I could, I was already pinned to hell because of your gullible tongue, I rather remained silent then. There are so many times I tried to share, but look into the mirror, where were you? Were you even listening to me? Remember the most vivid one was when my grandmother went missing, you being my boyfriend only tells me, “It is normal”. You didn’t see the fear in my eyes; you didn’t know the fear of losing someone you love. But I forgave you, because I believe in you just trying to comfort yet you have no idea how. Then when we first broke up, I “beg” you to return to my arms, you told me, I hogged into too much of your life, and you needed space. I stood back and when you are back, I was the broken vessel; I was the second best already. Despite anything that I was doing to help us, you mentioned it was not me. Little did you know, to see the smile on your face worth more than anything I can afford in this life! Am I not right, that when I try to make us comfortable, you mentioned I was controlling you? Despite all that you know about me, you refused to give in to help me and allow me to change me as time passes by. Everything I did, was WRONG.


Like what the book “His Needs, Her Needs” wrote, your partner will ultimately be your best teacher, because she/he will be able to guide you to meet his and her needs in life. You were just too impatient with me and all you need was to see yourself happy in me. Buying gifts was never what stirs me on, nor was your physical presence; it was just you being who you are that overwhelmed me. You gave so many reasons why; for every action that your words gave but your actions never showed. I was judged by you for not being sensitive towards you, for not fighting the best, for not doing anything. I was criticized by you for not being who I am. Many a time, I take upon my stride and I think but what about yourself, how have you evaluate yourself? How have you been a better person towards me?


I was crying when I am writing this, because I know the pain that I carried so long. Have I loved a wrong person, I believe I didn’t. Will I ever hate him, I won’t. But I know I will hate his actions, his pride, and his not teachable spirit. I hate him for just wanting the best for himself. I hate him for his selfishness. This is the pain I carried for too long, 5 months or more. Enough of such a pain to bear, I am going to throw it away today as I end this post. I am going to move on and carry on WITHOUT you because you don’t deserve me at all. Since you will give me the saying, “there are better ones around me.” Just remember, the best of your life had already passed you by. After so much that I have done for you, these are what I get from you. My eyes have been opened. Thanks so much for the hurt.


Well, since you are someone who can let go so easily, I guess that’s good. I mean there is no right or wrong how long a person takes, as it is the choice of freewill in all nature. It didn’t take me long because I know I love you but today I have accepted the fact and move on. My love for you ends.


I don’t need you to mention to me that I ought to be someone best before someone else best will come into my life. I guess this applies to you for you only think you are the best, but failed to see your flaws. I don’t need you to tell me I will live better because I know I will have someone who can do a much better job than you did and I wish that she will be able to do, if not any better than me in your life.


Leave it, forget it and never to rake up again


Signing off,

daphne


4:36:00 PM

Monday, February 09, 2009


I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a new heart of flesh. I will put My spirit within you and cause you to walk in my statutes, and you will keep my judgments and do them. Ezekiel 36: 26-27 NKJV

This is what the Lord showed when I was having my devotion this morning. It may mean nothing to a lot of people but this verse means a lot to me when I heard of a good new. I don't have a big heart to accept the reality at first but I know I need to have the change of heart within myself to gradually accept it. Like someone ever told me, life is not handled by skills but by wills. If you want to do it, you surely can.

The heart of stone of rebellion, stubbornness and foolishness have to be taken out in exchange of His great love of forgiveness and acceptance. It was not easy, but I was more than willing to surrender. =]

I know you maybe reading this, thus I just like to use this chance to wish you all the best. =]

Anyway, the start of Prayer Meeting was great though it was a bit early. God never fails to cheer me on this monring when I thought I was going to be late and you will NEVER expect how and what it feels to have the Lord "disturbing" you when you are on your bed. He will knock at my heart and tell me, "dear, now is my time that you promised you will spend with me". God is a humorous God.

Looking ahead and not behind.
I am planning to write 52 sermons this year and read at least 12 books.

love,
daphne

1:34:00 PM

Sunday, February 08, 2009


A promise God reveals

Fill us at daybreak with Your love, that all our days we may sing with joy. (Psalm 90:14 NIV)

How great it is when you know God speaks and encourages you through and through the days of your life? I am just so happy and excited that when man fails, God doesn't. When we are faithless, God remains faithful. =] I am just so thankful God never fail.

Many may ask why am I always so excited over prayer meeting, actually I don't due to the waking in those wee hours, but I know what it takes to be seeking God through uncomfortable moments. God has never fail to shortchanged Himself anytime of my life; NEVER. This time round, I am sure to know it is tougher than it was for me in the prayer meeting before, but I am desperate for a touch from Heaven. I am eager to seek the face of my King. I don't know the struggle I will face on my bed in a few hours time, but I am trusting in the Lord with this verse He has given me this morning.

Fill us at daybreak with Your love, that all our days we may sing with joy. (Psalm 90:14 NIV)

It will be 6.30am in Singapore Post which means I am waking up at 5am? No complain!! =] Like what this verse says, fill us at daybreak with your love, meaning seek the Lord before the start of the day and throughout the day, we may sing with joy. I know when your souls sing with joy, your life is filled with joy. Let us come together to see the face of the Lord and believe as the Lord encourages me through this verse, He is encouraging you too. =]

Daphne's A - B - C - D - E - F for February 2009 Prayer Meeting
Await, Believe, Committed, Delight Excited, Focus

Pray Until Something Happens
daphne_chloe

11:33:00 PM

Saturday, February 07, 2009


My Poem of Love

I would like to specially dedicate this poem to friends and love ones who actually take effort to read my blog. I want to set aside this post just for people who are "desperate" for a merge; trying their best in the search. I want to pray that this poem with have its power and anointing to penetrate the hearts of yours to make you think and realize; there's so much more in stored for us sall. =]

This poem drives through my heart, searches through my soul. =] This poem brings me to another level of confidence and trust in the Almighty. This poem makes me bend my knees and plead for grace. This poem has lifted me and helped me through my darkest time. This poem is not what I give glory and thanks too, but the Person who wrote it; Thank You Lord Jesus.

You are my FOCUS, my Life, and my Destiny. I will wait for You alone, believing and trusting in Your time. Like what a friend told me, don't be swayed away by the circumstances and situations around me, FOCUS on God because this is my second chance. =] Praise God for wonderful friends. =]

Without further a do, this is the POEM OF LOVE just dedicated for you. =]

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone (isn't that true?)
To have a deep soul relationship with another
To be loved THOROUGHLY and EXCLUSIVELY.

But God to a Christian says,
NO
Not unless you are satisfied, fulfilled and contented with being loved by Me ALONE
With giving yourself TOTALLY and UNRESERVEDLY to Me
With having an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me ALONE
Discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found
Will you be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. (AMEN)

You will NEVER be able to unite with another until you are united with Me
Exclusive of anyone or anything else; exclusive of any desire or longings.

I want you to STOP planning, STOP wishing
And allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing
I want you to have the very best.

PLEASE ALLOW ME TO BRING IT TO YOU

You just keep watching Me, expecting great things
Keep experiencing the great satisfaction that I am
Keep listening and learning the things I tell you.

You just wait, that's all.
Don't worry, don't be anxious.

Don't look around at the things others have or that I have given them.
Don't look at the things you want.
Just keep looking at Me, or you'll miss the things that I want to show you.

And when YOU are READY
I would surprise you with a love far more than any you would dream of.

You see, until you are ready,
(I am working even at this moment to have you both ready at the same time)
Until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me
And the life I've prepared for you
You won't be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me
The everlasting union of beauty, perfection and the love I offer you with Myself.

Knowing that I love you utterly,
I am God;
Believe it and be satisfied.
I care,
Jesus Christ

with love,
daphne_chloe

10:02:00 PM

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