Thursday, August 31, 2006
Once upon a time, there was this girl who grew up in an environment of boys. She dresses up like how a boy would. She played all the games any typical boy would do. Running and getting herself dirty is so normal and dolls and skirts seemed so unfamiliar to her. What a childhood days she had.
She grew up realizing she is so much different from the other girls and when she had her 21st birthday, she requested to have a doll on her lovely birthday from her mother. Like any mothers, you maybe thinking the mum got her a doll but her mother didn’t. She got her a bottle perfume instead. She was so sad and depressed why her mum doesn’t just agree to get her what she desires on her birthday.
“You had already missed it once,” said the mum. The 21 years old girl was stunned not knowing what exactly it means. Her mum added, “I don’t wish to see you miss it again this time round.”
(The story is telling us that she had missed once during her childhood days of growing up to be like a girl. The perfume represent of how we, girls like to doll ourselves up with. Giving her a doll can’t bring back anything but a perfume can change her whole perspective of life of how to grow up to be like a young woman)
This story had also taught me not to miss out my chance once again. I gave it all up once but I will not do so again. I know I am just waiting for the right time.
12:20:00 AM
Saturday, August 26, 2006
There are so many messages I typed in the night when I misses you. I dare not even open my eyes to view the future but only to close my eyes and dream in my perfect dreams. I know my feelings for you but I am just yet uncertain cause I want God to be the center yet at many times, is so tough to hold back and say God I will wait. I am turing 19 soon and the feelings of being lonely is so huge that I have no one to turn to physically in times of troubles. Where does my tears hide? Well, my answer will be, inside the tiny heart of mine which had been FULLY filled by you.
The current girl you like, is really like the rainbow after the downpour from Heaven. You know she will not be there for you long, you know the both of you have no future. You know everything is impossible between you and her even though she is a CHRISTIAN. Because of these, it had always keep me going. Going to wait for you, going to trust in you. Time waits for no man, but I know God holds time in His hands. Can you tell me what you want me to do for you cause is painful to wait and is painful to give up.!
I will not declare who he is or even mentioning how he looks like. (duh, HANDSOME! beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder). I will just share with you I have had feelings for this one guy. I just want to be accountable to people out there who really cares for me, I promise I won't fall to the trap of revealing my feelings but I will wait for him to come. He is very near me yet very far apart. I cant and will not say much else my feelings will be running wild once again.
Lord, I close my eyes for you to send me the best birthday present ever. I need someone strong for me to lean on. God many see the strong side of my personalities but Lord you see the weak where no one knows about. Thank you Jesus and Lord all I ask is someone who is willing to walk with me through the days of my life, giving me his shoulders for me to cry, give me his ears to hear my stories and Lord his heart to love You and worship me. God I engrave all the unseen words in my heart unto You.
You'll never know all the tears i've cried,
You'll never know how hurt i am inside,
You'll never know how long i've loved you,
You'll never know i think of you no matter what i do,
You'll never know how i feel will always be the same,
You'll never know that i can't stop these tears of pain,
You'll never know how sad i am when you're gone,
You'll never know you're the reason i've been alone all along,
You'll never know how much i care,
You'll never know all the pain i bear,
Baby can't you see, You're killing me,
I want you to know that i'll be there to the end,
coz no matter what i'll always be your friend!
Boy, this is what I see.
I look at the pictures of when I was happy
Pictures of you by my side
Before I ever knew of the things that you could do
Your love gave me life
Like my first breath
You picked me up
Took away my pain
Then you must've had your share of me and left
I fell and no one catched me
I'm dying, bleeding
Thinking of what we could've had
There's nothing left to do
I let you inside my soul
You crushed till nothing was left
You gave me my first breath
And you took my last
Shine His light
Daphne_Chloe
26/8/06 2325hr
11:02:00 PM
Thursday, August 24, 2006
God there is no better way than to thank you for all your wonders works done and completed in my life. I will also not forgetting those that are still in the process of filing and refining. Seriously there is so much in my heart that needs to be expressed out but if you understand, there is no better action than to remain silence to hear the Lord speaks.
Recently I had come to understand and realised that I had been persuing the wrong things and forsake what are the important ones. I neglected people, things and even responsibilities. Feelings so bad as I recall and reflect back about my past actions.
Matthew 25: 31-46 had such a big impact in my heart that whatever I do, I should do it as if I am doing for the Jesus before me. Often I think that God never see what I had done or not especially for those that I am less concern, but guess God had imparted that verses to share with me that whatever I am doing, I should be doing for Him.
I don't know what to say, but I am really so touched by the Lord that I think I should really take everyone (EVERYONE) around me and treats them like I will be treating Jesus. Remember God will bless those who had blessed others.
Indeed Lord there are so many gifts from You above
You had expressed it in different ways
I can do nothing more than thanking You
Lord I will want to be the many gifts you had given to me
Pouring my life once again back to You
10:46:00 PM
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
This is going to be another entry for my lovely blog. Hopefully, I won't end up writing a poem. Anyway, life has been like a roller coaster for me recently. I am and is still being push to do everything by myself, get the blame for not doing things people desire. Wow, this is indeed a TORTURE, but I am once again reminded is NOTHING COMPARE TO MY LORD JESUS CHRIST. So that's why I shut up and move on in life knowing very very well my God will be here with me.
There is just one thing that I felt so unfair about. Like what many will say, NOTHING IN LIFE IS FAIR. I do understand the statement but some people just make life difficult for others by making decisions to make the WHOLE WORLD feel unfair about it. What more can I do and say, than to humble myself and ACCEPT the LOUSY decisions you all had made, because I love my Lord and I know I ought to summit to AUTHORITY. I really wish I was out of this system once and for ALL. Nonetheless, there is still a SOLID year to go through, and I am just wondering if I should carry on. God please speaks to me with regards in this matter.
Leave that aside. There are so many things piling up in my schedule and there are so many SAD happenings happen around me. I can only CRY OUT TO GOD..HAVE MERCY ON ME. Please hold me though this storm to allow me to have a deeper understanding that indeed You are the God, Almighty.
By the way, there is this one short story to share with you.
By now, many people should know that I am going for a short Mission Trip this October. From October 6 to the 16 of October, heading to India. I am really very glad and excited that God had arranged this possible for me when I prayed about going for a mission trip since the beginning of this year. People, God hears our prayers and many a times God did not answer is because is just not the right time. Understand!
Anyway, for the whole month of August, we as a team has some "theory" lessons of how we should work with one another, how to give up our own rights to serve the Lord cheerfully, how to do children works and etc, also in the month of September, we will have all the practical works. The skit, the cutting of papers for the children works and a lot more. I am indeed excited to go, so I pray that God will mould me and prepare me now, spiritually, mentally, emotionally and of course physically.
I had told my parents about the trip and well to sum up the whole trip financially, it is not very cheap. Though my family could afford to support me through but I want them to have a breakthrough this time round with me and my church. Therefore, I am really entrusting the Lord to bring me there financially too. I know I am there to serve the Lord and to do the work of my Father in Heaven and not there to enjoy myself (which I think i will enjoy myself because I am WORKING WITH CHILDREN). Therefore, I do not want my mother to "complained" saying, I give you money yet you are there not to enjoy yourself. (you get me)
I want my parents to see that I will be able to go through and enjoy myself in India bcause the Lord my God had made it possible for me. I don't want them to see that I am using their money to go for Mission Trip(s), yet I want them to see and understand that the Lord is Almighty and He provides to EVERY of His children. People, out there do pray with me as I really prepare myself for this mission trip. Do keep me in prayer and if you like to be my prayer partner, you can leave me a message and I will get back to you asap with the prayer pointers. Anyway, thanks for hearing me out. Remember I am sure God will make this story I had shared to be a testimony to Glorify His Holy Name.
In winter and slience journey
You are there
With pain and struggles daily
You are there
When I am asleep or awake
You are there
Enjoying lovely and sweet moments
You are there
My God and My King
I thank You for always being there
There when I find You and when I don't
Thank You for everything
I love You my Lord Jesus
Always and Forever
Take care peeps
Sharing His Love
Daphne_Chloe
2:07:00 PM
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Some say:Some say love, it is a river
That drowns the tender reed
Some say love, it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed
Some say love, it is a hunger
An endless aching need
I say love, it is a flower
And you its only seed
It's the soul afraid of dreaming,
That never learns to dance
And the soul afraid of waking,
That never takes the chance
It's the one, who won't be taken
Who cannot seem to give
And the soul afraid of dying,
That never learns to live
When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long
When you feel that love is only
For the lucky and the strong
Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snow
Lies the seed that with the sun's love
In the spring becomes the rose
I FOUND YOU
12:08:00 PM
