Thursday, May 29, 2008
I'm really excited about going to mission trip. Wherever it is, I will just be so excited about it. I love mission, more than just seeing miracles but the urgency and the hunger to see and get people saved. I'm really excited that I'll be going in to JB tomorrow afternoon with 14 more SOT friends. It will be some fun time together and serving the Lord; crucifying our flesh. :)
* Just keep me in prayer
- The joy of the Lord will be our strength
- God's divine protection will be upon us
- God's angels will guard us from all harm
Before I leave for my trip, I want to make everything right. I want to set it and apologies to some people.
DN, NO, DH, EO, BO (short forms - if you know who you are)
I'm really sorry for showing you attitude. I am just at the end of my journey and I know that I could only move on by being alone. I have no regrets of what I've done, but I just want to say sorry to all of you, if I have stumble you nor if I have hurt you in anyway. I want to say, it was never easy for me, rather it was really tough. It was so tough that I thought of giving up, I cried almost everyday to ask God, why do such things have to happen. I have no answer till today, but what makes me moved on is my faith in God. Anyway, I'm sorry for all that I've done against you all.
Thank you,
Daphne_Chloe
9:07:00 PM
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Facing the Giants
I felt I am in need of a BOYFRIEND/Husband to be. Someone whom I can always rely on even when the whole world is out to be against me, I know he will stand by me. There are many good young men around me, but there is just not one that can catch my heart for being who he is. Sometimes, or many a time, I wish I would have known someone so much better before I decide to "pour" my emotions into him. Anyway, thank God for my covenant with him that the time of single hood will certianly be the best time to wait for Him to send me him.
I can't deny I love mixing and loitering around with friends, because I gave the best I can to many. I listen the way a friend needed. In simple, I am what a friend wants me to be when I am with a friend. Sometimes, people (young men) took things for granted and mixing my actions with his own WRONG thoughts. I want to stress this out to all my (BOY) friends, I'm treating you nice because I have a belief that friends are the gifts from God, thus I ought to treasure them like gold. It is not because I HAVE FEELINGS FOR YOU. (if that's the case, I think I would have many BOYFRIENDS by now, but I am very proud to say, beside giving my first love to God, I still own my FIRST LOVE)
People are the one that really hurts not PAPER. How true this statement is. When I was taken for granted, I felt really disgust but I told God it is for You, I will endure. When rubbish was thrown before me, I was taken a back, but I was reminded, with God all things are possible. When I was left alone, God's presence carried me through. Now when I am in "SHIT", I certainly believe it will be made possible by God once again. Why am I saying these, because I told God, I can't moved on anymore without His biggest gift in my life, that's friends. Though I may wish to have a boyfriend, but that doesn't make me desperate. I want friends whom can hold my shoulder and hold me on.
I want to believe friends of benefits now. It will no longer be a one way journey!
A boyfriend will never be mine, if he can't even be my friend.
Friend of Jesus,
d.
11:28:00 PM
Thursday, May 22, 2008
I am counting down to the end of the Mock Cell Group Test. I really enjoyed myself through the test and how supportive my team-mates are. I simply love all the games, not forgetting the time we lingered together in the presence of God and then got imparted with the word and learning together from the different supervisors who graded us. The moments that we spent are simply memorable and I can't imagine the day comes when my bestest of bestest friend in SOT going to NS.
Anyway, I felt God is speaking to me today that unless I forgive and not blame that person for accusing me, will I be able to move on. I know is tough, but I am going to do it, I am going to forgive, because it is just so tiring to stay in the outer courts and hot the holy of Holies. What's more is, I need the anointing from God especially for tomorrow as I preached the message of about FAITH. Stay tune for my sermon. I called my message, "How to have more faith with FAITH"
You are the peace that guards my heart
My help in times of needs
You are the hope thats leads me on
And brings me to my knees
For there I find You waiting
For there I find release
So with all my heart I'll worship
And unto You I sing
For You alone deserve all glory
For You alone deserve all praise
Father we worship and adore You
Father we long to see Your face
For You alone deserve all glory
For You alone deserve all praise
Father we love You
And we worship You this day
God set this song in my heart today, allowing me to sing twice in two different places and in both praises it almost brings me to tears. Well, I know God is speaking to me. I'm listening to God.
Stay tune for more of my preaching experience tomorrow. Do pray for me that He will use me to impart somethings to my friends.
Love,
d.
8:52:00 PM
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
I serve a Great, Big Wonderful God
Today is the start of my Mock Cell Group Test. I was indeed really excited and scared though I am just doing Warmth - Testimonies. Many may think or even believe that I have a good command of English but that's beside the point when I am ask to do it for the FIRST time. I was scared as I was afraid that I may not be able to conclude and sum it all up in a right way, but I thank God for helping me. Through my days of staying so close with God, I am and will always be thankful to God for saving me and guiding me. He is indeed a great God to me. As I conclude, I believe I just did the best of what I can. My supervisor for today is none other than my very own Zone Supervisor. He mentioned that I did a good job as many a time, we may give thanks to the wrong person, especially when someone is involved. Our focus to God may shift to man, because we are so thankful of such a friend. Well well, remember friend doesn't come until God knows you needed them in life. Thank God for friends, AMEN.
I know I have NOT been doing very well in life and I know I am PURPOSELY pushing people away from my life, I KNOW AND I KNOW. I want to do it because people are so fake to me, and I realised it doesn't allow me to feel any better anymore when I try to give my best. People took me for granted. I am tired. I know I have gone a way that doesn't please God. I want to come back, but I just can't bring myself to do so anymore. I really want to run; maybe to a place where there is nothing; not even anyone.
"You can run but you can't hide."
This is so TRUE. I tried running, from myself and from people; behaving like someone nobody can even recognize and not even care nor be bothered. I went on a day with my own strength. It was tough yet it was really much more a better feeling than to be trap in between. BUT today was I went to SOT for my test, 3 worship songs almost brought me to tears.
First Song: God of my forever
God of youth I remember
Your call on my life took me o'ver
Your love has seen me through all my days
I stand here by Your grace
On this altar I've written my life
Tells of the story I have with You My Lord
I want the world to know
God of my forever
And forever I'm with You
My life is saved with a price
Your sacrifice redeemed my soul
God of my forever
And forever I will sing
My greatest honor will always be
To serve my Lord and King
God of my all I've surrendered
My heart finds its rest in Your word
Praises will not be enough to show
How my love for You has grown
Nothing matters when You're here with me
In the end just to hear You said "Well Done"
Bowing before Your throne
Forever and ever
Jesus You alone in glory reign
Forever and ever
With You I walk this narrow way
Second Song : I give You my heart
This is my desire to honor You
Lord with all my heart
I worship You
All there is within me
I give You praise
All that I adore is in You
Lord I give You my heart
I give You my soul
I live for You alone
Every breath that I take
Every moment I'm awake
Lord have Your way in me
Third Song : Heart of Worship
When the music fades
All is striped away
And I simply come
Longing just to bring
Something that's of worth
That will bless Your heart
I'll bring You more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart
I'm coming back to the heart of worship
When it's all about You
It's all about You Jesus
I'm sorry Lord for the things I've made it
When it's all about You
It's all about You Jesus
King of endless worth
No one could express
How much You deserve
And through all these years
All I have is Yours
Every single breath
[White color words expressed it all]
I just can imagine how God spoke to me through songs to make me boldly sing it with CONVICTION in my heart that, that's what He desires from me and what I'm supposed to do. God has always been that close to me and every challenging moment in life, I felt God even closer than before. I'm really sorry Lord for all the things that I have done against You and I am really sorry to all my friends, whom I have hurt and rejected these two days. I am still human with emotions. Would you please forgive me?
Sorry,
d.
8:28:00 PM
Monday, May 19, 2008
Through the STORM and RAGING SEAI will NEVER BE ALONEWhen my HOPE seems OUT OF SIGHTI know You will SHINE YOUR LIGHT
I am singing with my might.
I am proclaiming with all that I have.
God is a good God, though I am lost and can't be bothered by mankind, I know God is guiding me through. I am not happy with what was poured into my life, but again I said, God is a God who judges at the end of the day. Let us be responsible for all our words then.
Reyes and Nicholas (my new found friend from CHC)
Thank you for pouring much encouragements into my life. I know without all that you guys have tried to spur into my narrow mind, I guess I may still be where I was few days ago. God indeed has given me more than what money can buy, He gave me friends who are lovely and sweet. Thank you and thank you once again.
Love,
d.
9:44:00 PM
Sunday, May 18, 2008
The path on UNKNOWN
(a short poem to spell it all)
Here I am standing on the edge
I can't make it alone ANYMORE
I fall to my knees
Lord, I give up!
Forgive me
Here I am waiting for your love
Waiting for your embrace
Giving my soul and might to You
Forgive me
Tonight, I wait
Hoping I would change my mind
Everyone thought I was tough and couldn't feel a pain
Sadly to say
I’m just lying in my bed in tears
My heart feels like it just had a heart attack
I want the pain to go away
And happiness that always stay
I've lost all thoughts of trust
ANYONE, EVERYONE
ANYTHING, EVERYTHING
GoodBye,
daphne
6:30:00 PM
Saturday, May 17, 2008
God restores the broken
Communication is TWO way (both talk)
Authority is RESPECT (you gain it, not earn it)
Accountability is BUILDING (people share to be edified)
Sometimes, I really do felt so unfair, but again when was life ever FAIR? I was accused for someone's mouth and certainly just because they think they are right. I seriously want to vent out my disappointment, but I know I simply can't. I won't spoil the image of you and I don't want to fight for myself, because justice will be shown at the end of the day. I know I did no wrong and I was the one who actually told myself and many others what's the right thing to do before you even came to this picture.
Anyway, I for once really want to give my destiny in God. I was so broken and I have no one of which I can turn to (not to mention G0d). I was accused and I bear the cross myself. I was hurt and I suffer the cross myself. My family is pain I hold the cross myself. I really want to give up but thank God for His SUPERNATURAL strength to carry me on. He just came and lifted me up every time I am so down and without me realising it, yet nevertheless, when I look back, I know and I know it is only through His strength, I OVERCOME.
11th April (2)- Late uncle admitted to hospital
16th April (3)- Uncle passed away
5th May (5) - Mum was very sick
16th May (6) - I was crushed
16th May (6) - Last uncle got FITS (first time in his life)
In the back of my mind, I was wondering what is God doing? Allowing satan to attack me again and again. Since SOT starts, my life has been more challenging than before, and I really thought why not just give up and allow my family to be in great peace. Nobody knows how much this pain will be, one after another.
I held on the God because I know and am reminded that greater its destiny, greater is trials and tribulations. I have no idea what's my destiny, but I am sure to know, I will be in Heaven and God will tell me, "My good and faithful servant".
God's revelation for me
I saw myself as a light stick that was broken and in that long stick there is many lights (bulbs or buttons) that needed to be cracked before it shows it real, true brightness. God is excited and He broke a few together this time round. While I am fighting to bring forth the light (overcoming my problems), it was indeed painful and tough, but nevertheless, I know when all is over, the stick will be a light that shines for many. (if you know what I mean, else buy a light stick and experience it yourself)
I will hold on. I will fight on.
I will carry on.
I will wait upon the Lord, who will raise me up like an eagle
Never give up
d.
11:01:00 AM
Saturday, May 10, 2008
This is my new room; apart from the super ugly wall due to its paint, I am quite happy with my simple, comfortable room. I can't paint the room for the next 1 year due to the loss of one of my family member. Anyway, I really love my room, especially the big queen size bed. :)
Stepping into the room, it reminds me of my late uncle, but I know he is in Heaven with God now, thus I have no more worries, though I miss him a lot.
love,
d.
6:35:00 PM
Thursday, May 08, 2008
Yesterday, God spoke to me! Today, God spoke again through Pastor Aries.
Today we learnt about how to gain respect of the people? The start of the lesson stirs up the hunger in me; "Leadership is not just a given position. Leadership is INFLUENCE" How real this sentence is. Some of us maybe given the status as a leader because of our capabilities, but I somehow realized, that such leaders never last long. Either they fought on as a leader by their own strength or they are simply a leader without members.
There are 10 things that we need to gain respect of the people around.
1. Courage (Keep on doing RIGHT)
Courage is the capacity to do what is RIGHT even when it is UNPOPULAR! We just need to do thr RIGHT things because we are all disciplers of Christ, we ought to be like Him.
good actions lead to good results, but what if there is no good responses, will you continue to do?
-Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, NOT absence of fear-
A pondering question : Will you give up praying even when there is nothing that happens when you pray?
--> My answer is ABSOLUTELY NOT.
2. Boldness
Boldness is Confidence. AMEN!
Is not about the talk that we have, is about the confidence that you have to speak.
Courage relates to our CHARACTERS
Boldness, Confidence relates to our PERSONALITY
Build a bold personality if you build in on:
a) The Word of God
b) The Holy Spirit
c) Prayer
--> Pals, continue to grow in the fear of the Lord, for we are have no idea when God is promoting you, thus hold on and fight strong. <--
3. Strength
"Strong leader doesn't give up because of failures for they know, even upon their failures, they had tried their best and they succeed in life because they NEVER GIVE UP in their early setbacks and failures."
I love this: People tend to gravitate toward the strongest leader in their lives for they are drawn by influence and not titles or positions.
Faith is a FACT but certainly faith is also an ACT.
A pondering question : Do you have the ability and strength to bounce back when you are knocked down?
4. Anointing of the Holy Spirit
5. Integrity (Do what you say)
"If you must choose, take a good name rather than great riches; for to be held in loving esteem is better than silver and gold." Proverbs 22:1 (TLB)
Integrity simply means:
a) What you do matches up to what you say
b) You will always do the right thing even when no one is watching
Talents bring you to the top; but it is only characters that maintain you there and to get a good reputation can only be summed up in one word - Character.
6. Humility
"Stay HUMBLE or you will STUMBLE"
What is humility?
a) Humility is serving people
b) Humility is admitting to your weakness when you have to
c) Humility is realizing that your achievement is owed to other people
(Give credit to who credit is due)
d) Humility is realizing that every person you meet is BETTER than you at something
7. Dependability (promotes stability)
"Don't have a long promises and a short delivery"
8. Visions and Goals
Believe your visions will come to pass in Jesus' name!
A pondering question : What can I give to my members that they will forsake their lives to follow the calling of God?
9. Generosity
"No one remembers how much you receive, for people only remembers how much you GIVE!"
10. Spirituality (Genuine Spiritual)
"People are drawn to people who are naturally in love in Jesus"
I felt so charged up after having go through this lesson. I am so ministered by it. I just love my time in SOT more and more, because through every lesson, it seems as if God is speaking directly to me.
Today, I will live for God. I will have the courage to do the right things in Jesus' name, I will have the boldness to stand up and be confidence in what I am tasked to do. I will certainly want to have the strength to bounce back through all obstacles and praying for the anointing of God to flow through me. I want to be discipline to be a person of integrity and the grace to be humble, the power to allow man to depend on. Visions and dreams, I desire you and a heart to give will be what I asked. Yet above all, I want to be where God wants me to be through all the days of my life. (Spirituality)
God's servant
d.
7:19:00 PM
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
I am back to school today. I am really happy and excited knowing that there is a group of heart-warming people there to welcome me, guiding me to the way of life than my own strength to my NEVER-ending problems. I simply love each and everyone of them in my SOT team. Thank you so much for all your prayers, care and concern, and certainly all your fasting. Let us do all these together; my prayers will always be that all of us will rise up for a time like these. -A family that prays together sticks together- AMEN!
I managed to share a little bit of my own problems with some of my teammates and as I was showing, the greatest revelation God showed me was how Jesus was tempted when He was in the wilderness. Jesus was tempted 3 times; He entered the wilderness with the glory of God, and He left the wilderness with the ability to release the anointing of the glory of God.
I was tempted to give up when I faced my own problems before SOT, but I held firm as God carried me through those times. He had indeed lifted me up from my pitfall to firm ground, with His grace, I fought on. The start of SOT was indeed challenging for me, having to cope with school work and also family matters. The death of my beloved Uncle, I would once again stress it, IT WAS PAINFUL AND A LITTLE UNBEARABLE FOR ME. I was lost but I held on again to the love of God. Now, it came to the closest one in my entire life, my mother. I know this will be yet the toughest and biggest challenge SATAN can set in my life, and I am/will be praying, and fasting like never before. 3 challenges and it's also the 3 temptations that SATAN wants me to give up, but little have he behold himself of my faith in God.
I WANT SATAN TO READ THIS!!
SATAN, I WON'T GIVE UP, I WILL FIGHT ON WITH THE GRACE AND POWER FROM HIGH ABOVE!
*TELL ME SATAN IS NOT HAPPY.* But what to do, I will still press unto the call from God and I know my call and destiny is BIG, HUGE and GOOD, else why would SATAN wants to see me fall so badly? I guess the harder he tries, the tougher it is for him to get a slightest hold of me. I have my firm foundation.
As I attended lesson 11 of Home Cell Group Leadership (HCGL), God revealed so much of what I should do. It is indeed so true, that there is a price to pay as a leader, how much am I willing to pay, determines a lot of where I placed myself in the leadership chart. I have no idea where my destiny is, but certainly I am assured that my destiny is high in Christ.
(There were times when I want to give up so badly, but somehow, something in me just allow me to push through by trusting God and believing God. My mind deceives me, but my spirit holds me. Not just will I say and believe, but my life will show that I trust God.)
love,
d
3:06:00 PM
Monday, May 05, 2008
I will be moving to my granny's home this coming week. It will certainly be a change of environment for me, though I grew up here when I was a little younger. It has been years since my world is full of AMK again. I remembered when I was in Yishun and called to be a Yishunite, reaching out to people, now is a totally different calling set for me. I'm excited about my moving because I have a whole new set of furniture all to myself, especially the QUEEN SIZE bed. I can imagine how I can "roll" around my bed. Anyway, I will be a little "lost" too, because my parents are not by my side. Staying with my granny and my two uncles. I believe with God great things are going to happen. I am setting my room to be a prayer room and closet for myself and some of my chosen one who I'm going to pray with.
In You, I find my PEACE
In You, I'll bend my knees
I am supposed to be in school today, but today I am sick and this morning was a little busy for me, as I travelled around to bring my mother to see doctor. She seen two doctors just this morning itself, a chinese and a western doctor. She was supposed to go to work today, but while she walked to just the nearest block, she can't carry on, her leg was so pain that she was perspiring cold sweats. She called me to wake daddy up to drive her home. When I saw her this morning, my heart broke; iterally break! I messaged the Dean of Students for my school and told him I would like to apply urgent leave and I bring my mum to doctor and also to see the doctor myself.
The result was shocking. It was a little unbelievable since there is no history records of this in my entire family. The doctor was suspecting that she maybe down with diabetes, and told her to pay a visit again this coming Saturday. Mummy seems brave but I know she is a little worried too. She is only 40 years old this year, why would such illness attack her. I am lost to see my mother, the one I love most in such a state. I just can't believe.
I remembered I was asked this question just not long ago, "Would you deny ever God?" I was so firm and said, "Of course NOT." In my heart, you are simply just asking nonsense. God is my God, the One I worship, the One I love, why would I want to give up on Him? In addition, I added, I said, even if I am push to death I will not let go of God. It was so easy to say when life is so peaceful. I just simply love God, read His Word, Pray and have communion with Him. Yet a friend pushed a little further, what if I want you to deny Christ, else your family will be in danger! It took me a while and even the courage from the Holy Spirit to say, even if my family is going to be attack, I am going to still love God and trust God, with Him all things are possible, with Him all good things will happen to those who love Him.
I love my family though I came from a super broken up, chaotic family but I still love them. God placed me here for a purpose and it is through all the imperfections, I am make a vessel to the people out there. Well, with the Holy Spirit, answering those questions seemed just so easy. I can say today, I am not just asked, I am challenged. As I walked towards the goal from above, I am challenged to live by FAITH! I know I can placed my hope in Christ no matter what the situation is, but I am just a mere human with emotions. I was broken and torn apart when my uncle passed away. I wonder where is God, but thank God, He revealed Himself so real to me then. I can declare that God is a good God even when one of my loved one is gone.
Today, am I still going to say God is a good God? I don't know if I can but I am going to believe that my God is a good God. My God is a healer of all mankind, with Him, miracles and signs will be seen. I am holding on by faith. I just don't understand how can I still trust God even when I am so lost in life. I don't know too, but I just know and I know, I just have to trust and believe. It is indeed true that the greater your destiny is in God, the tougher the journey of your life will be. I am once again what does TOUGH means - Thoughts Of Using God's Help.
Daphne is in a stage of her life, communion with God all her steps in life. :)
Someone just said, my face has shown the glory of God flowing and pouring unto me. I just have to say, the glory came with a price unto me. It was a big price to pay, but with God, everything is possible, everything is good.
God is a good God,
Daphne
12:53:00 PM
