Looking back upon this year, I could see myself in tears and in joy. I grew up a lot mentality. I was pushed to situations of which I never experience. Getting a hold of something new was out of the ordinary path which I will take, but FEELINGS caught hold of the weak side of me. Now it is marked as the memorable and the time of my life. No regrets!
Just had a chat with someone and I knew she still cares a lot for me though we are miles apart. She asked about my arms and she casually reminded me that I lost my hard disk in Beijing in a nice way. I still miss my hard disk a little at times because I bought it JUST BEFORE I WENT BEIJING and I LOST IT WHEN I AM BACK, well you see, is MONEY! I miss and it still hurts a little to know all my documents were lost. Yet I am reminded, life moves on. After 4 months back in Singapore, I had finally overcome the pain to lose something. It was a tough journey, but didn’t God promise me this before; With ME everything is POSSIBLE. It maybe long, but life is all along learning and growing; learning to accept the things and changes that I CAN’T change, growing to adapt to the things and changes that I have or are taken away from me.
Once is lost, it may be gone for life
Once is gone, is time to move on
As I write this post, I am telling myself is tough to move on. Nonetheless, to lose something is normal, but have you never tried losing something so closed to you, not to mention a person, but a CHARACTER. I thought I lost myself along the way, least that I realized I am still where I am but something in me is gone. I lost my NEVER GIVE UP SPIRIT, PRIDE, JOY and maybe EVEN THE FEELINGS to FEEL again.
Anyway, I don’t know what to post here anymore. I am just blogging to share a little more! I am enjoying all that I have today and to treasure it to the fullest of what I can.
"When things come to a quagmire, we know it's time to let go.”
GREAT NEWS. I AM PUTTING ON MY BRACES ON 15th DECEMBER 2007 instead of 18th DECEMEBER 2007, so it means, in 15 days from now, you will see my teeth with something so new! I am excited yet I am afraid because I know it hurts. In any case, remember life move on no matter what happened, for you and for me; it will have to move on. Time waits for no man.
6:54:00 PM
Christmas is coming in less than a month time! I am excited because during this day, I will remember and be thankful of all the goodness God had poured out to me in my life through the year(s). This year has many ups and downs, and as your age increases, the ups and downs increased too! Life was and never will be it be smooth sailing, it is how you make the best out of it. I have grown a lot in mentality, I dare to say. Anyway, I am really excited about Christmas this year, though I am so busy with school that I wonder if I have anytime to do Christmas presents for people. Ar, just pure excitement. ENJOY, HAPPY, SMILE :)
Christmas wishes for 2007:
1. To be joyful all the days of my life
2. To be happy in where I AM SUPPOSED to be
3. To grow in the Lord ONCE AGAIN
4. To make a difference in your life
5. To be your friend once again
6. To be forgiven by you
7. To be loved by you
8. To slim down and to be pretty (duh, who doesn’t)
9. To be able to cope well with my studies; especially time management
10. To be able to endure the pain of braces
11. My dear: To pass TP on 5 December 2007
12. To be able to get my license ASAP
13. A PSP slim
14. A DS Lite
15. IPOD
16. UZAP
17. A metallic watch
18. Crumpler bag
19. Dresses
20. The list just never seems to end
Seriously, I am excited about Christmas but then again, not because I can receive nor give presents like a Santa but because I am once again reminded of how blessed am I to have Jesus being the reason of my joy. My biggest gift above all will be having God to open my eyes and look at certain things differently.
So much I wish I could, but how much longer can I now? I wonder, will this Christmas be a different one for me? God, only You know the answer.
*if you are reading this, remember as much as I had moved on in life, my greatest desire is still to have you be my friend, vice versa.
4:51:00 PM
If you think you can’t imagine me writing a post with such words, PLEASE LEAVE. I am directing to you who are conscious while you read. This entry doesn’t give you face about what I feel nor am I in any comfort to write something so lightly about what EXACTLY happened. Don’t tell me, my words made you think and look at me differently, because you FORCED me to write out stuff like these. I have my limits in life, and you choose to test it. For many people who know me, they think I am a nice friend, which I do agree, because you never get to see me angry even when I know it hurts me. Yet this time round, when disappointment got over me, you see the ugly side of me, because you tested my patience and endurance with your NONSENSE. Judge me? Please go ahead, because you have yet to take that dirt out of your eyes too.
I have had enough of shit that’s going through my life ever since I came back from Beijing. I fought many battles alone (not really, if you were to include God). I cried, I wondered why, such things just have to happen in such a way. I know I have walked out of many things that I ought to do, but please UNDERSTAND, I have NO SUPPORT FROM PEOPLE, I AM GOING THROUGH SHIT ALONE. If I don’t walk away, I will be killing myself with MORE UNNECESSARY THINGS. Anyway, is over!
After going through the darkest time of my life, NOW I am going through it with my buddy. Actually knowing a FACT, it shouldn’t and won’t have had happened if people out there are less BOSSY and KPO. Nothing was wrong; nothing was initiated, but PEOPLE ASSUME. God gave us emotions; emotions to love, to care, to share and maybe to even HATE. I realized as a teenager it is just so easy to fall into a “series” of love feelings. Not to mention if we needed that badly or anything, but it is part of growing up. We seek for love, to be love and to love someone; growing from romantic experiences to nasty quarrel moments. THIS IS LIFE.
You people gone through a stage like these, yet instead of walking and understand why we are going through this; cold water was splashed against us. More hands are involved, more mouths are talking! How edifying this can be. Sometimes I just wonder how many a time in life, we know we actually is seeing that someone from the very start. It was like going through a prophetic act in your own live HUH. Nobody knows what will happen especially in love and top of it all, close friends doesn’t make a relationship out of it. We bump into each other lives to walk alongside each other; nobody wants a friend who will pull you down RIGHT. So how do we communicate then? By the modern technology, SHORT MESSAGE SERVICE, SMS in short!
I never understand why people used AGE to define the “READY-NESS” on a relationship. Let me make it clear from teenager/young adult view, AGE is A VERY GOOD EXCUSE for people LIKE YOU to break couple apart. Tell me that at the age of 30 or above, you will CERTAINLY be READY for relationship. Let me say IS BULLSHIT. Love doesn’t comprehend with age or even with experiences. It is not the older you are the sure succeed relationship you are bound to be in. Nobody holds the future as certain as God does and nobody know the future as clear as God.
Do understand that if any teenager/young adult who got themselves into a relationship, they are also trying their best to sustain the relationship for as long as they can, nobody thinks of breaking up in Day 1 of relationship. So why do you want to interfere when we know what exactly we are doing. If you can’t bless us, don’t KILL us. We know what we want from a relationship, so stop telling us what we should do and what we shouldn’t. It doesn’t help us in anyway; you only STRESS us up because we will TRY OUR BEST to please you.
How painful it was and forever it will be when we know we are going through the best time of our lives and some KPO people have to stand in and make our lives THEIRS. LET ME SAY AGAIN, IS OUR LIVES THEY ARE INTERFERING. Don’t we have our RIGHTS to do what we want to do and be accountable for all the actions that we are doing?
I went through my life most horrible feelings recently. The feeling was like seeing Jesus being crucified right before my very own eyes and I am so helpless because I can’t do anything. The tears that fell, unjust actions that was taken. Why such procedures have to follow when nobody was sure about their lives right at the beginning? IS PURELY UNFAIR ALRIGHT! Taken away his everything, his pride to humble what was wrong, I REPEAT, WRONG not GRAVEYARD MISTAKES. He was crushed so broken that he doesn’t even know how to spell tomorrow. He needed more than hugs and words of encouragement now. He needed to restore himself by God and He needed a heart to feel again.
Let me ask people around, how will you go through such RUBBISH if this has to happen to you? He is a courageous boy to take up what you requested him to do in the public just because he doesn’t wish people around him to feel anymore worst than he is. I salute you, dear! Everything is over now, I can’t change the fact of what people had done against him, because is just so NOT RIGHT. I can only pray now that God will heal and restore all of us, build us up and mold us for a better future in Him.
People out there, stop talking and gossiping more! Didn’t you all PROMISED that is was meant to be CONFIDENTIAL. For your information, CONFIDENTIAL means not telling anyone about it. It was supposed to be kept within you and yourself. A great listener is someone who hears and keeps it, not even sharing to their love ones. What makes everything worst is that you added your own OIL AND WATER to spark what’s so not real, making us feel unsecure and disgusted by your actions.
Tears of unjust are flowing as I write this, because why do I have to go through such shit at a place where there ought to be love? I am just so tired.
Upon reading this, don’t tell me you want to talk to me or try to make some sense to my life and thinking, because it will not help. I have a mind of my own, and if you want me to accept what you’re SAYING, accept and think of what I have to say first. Judge me, talk about this entry written by me, backstabbed me, badmouth me, I seriously don’t care anymore. I am living in a world of my own if that’s what you think.
People, I am not sorry for what I am writing here nor am I am feeling remorseful with those words that I used. Just like I had mentioned, if you don’t like this, all you have to do is to click the X at your top right hand corner. Enough is enough, is time to clean your own BACKSIDE! Don’t leave for others to do your shit cleaning, you are OLD ENOUGH!
DaphneChloe
5:53:00 PM
12:39:00 AM
I never expect people to change so fast. Time really waits for no man, because changes DO HAPPEN DAILY. I know I have changed too, for the better or for the worst, PEOPLE is NOT FOR YOU TO JUDGE. I am really tired of people trying to be closed yet when you want to share what’s in your life; they talked so much more about themselves. Friends are so not real towards you because they have their own life that they can’t be bothered about yours.
I am really tired of sharing, so I will just be what I used to be; LISTENING. Yet when I choose to just listen, such RUBBISH has to happen. Give me a chance to share and you will know what me/we are THINKING. A tiny soul/heart will be firmed up or tarnished by YOU ALONE.
I need a place to pour out my heart, a place where I know when I share, people will not think I am bitching or even gossiping. I wish I could just do so. I wish my sharing out will not because of anything like right or wrong, but to voice out my little “accent” to share my heartfelt BEAT. Bottling up kills yet how much to trust you when I share? You spoilt yourself by “SHARING” what’s mine to others!
Where is the friend of mine who once was there to listen to what I have to say, now? Where is that friend who was once so close in my life? Where is that friend whom I can share my LIFE out; my church, my family, my life; my all to be exact? Where are you? I had moved on in life, pressing to forget those good old memories; but pal, I really miss you. [I wonder if you even know who you are]
I felt lost fighting this world alone, having bombarded by what YOU dislike about me! People give me a break, if you can’t be bothered about my life and all the happenings please stop trying to POO SOME SHIT and LEAVE! If you think you can’t stand me, then don’t get any nearer. I will HURT.
Life goes on for all of us; is a FACT no one can change.
*I am not sorry for the words I used! LIKE I SAID, IF YOU CAN’T TAKE IT, LEAVE IT!*
10:49:00 AM
3:46:00 PM
8:57:00 PM