Thursday, July 17, 2003
When i felt that night was so quiet, my loved were all far away, my heart starts to pump faster... "Where am I?", "What am I suppose to do now?", was the questions i asked myself... No one is near, all seems to be so far, far than wat i can see.... loneliness was wat's near....
Freedom was wat i am seeking..... Peace was wat i want... Looking forward to very brand new day that God created, but now instead of looking to the future i kept looking back, to the sadness and disappointments i had... Now, although, i am physically well
, but my mentally is not well.... i want queitness and peace, so that i can do wati wanted...
To add to my previous entries, why i had changed so much... This few days when i am at home, during my quiet time, i pray that God would allowed me to the answer(till now still no answer).... I was thinking why i have changed to someone that hate everythings, suprising including school... Maybe is my class...I have no idea too...
During this period of time, i even thought of dropping my studies and went on to do things that i loved to do.... But really thank God that He didn't allow me to have so much of that dirty thinking... But instead, i told myself: "if i were to give up everything, what can i do in the future? My loved, sweet and friendlly pals and teachers are all there, why do i want to leave?" Giving up is not a right choice, but yet we should insist on carry on even when the path seems so long and never ending.. If i were to give up now, then when can i succeed??
This week were suppose for me to think about wat i am doing now, will it affect my future?? i found the answer.... Thought of giving myself some quiet time, ended getting myself sick... but also is a good time of my relection of wat i have done for the past six months was it right??
Though is rather difficult to study in my lovely, yet noisy class, but i am studying for myself and my future, not because of them.... So i have to make my own stand even though they are noisy... What they are doing might not be wat i want... Example, creating noise and slacking though exams is just around the corner.... I should make my own stand and not join them to create trouble....
WE are all changing is whether to the better or to the worst, so i thank everyone that are by my side when cloud had covered up my wonderful sun.... thank you, for your advise that i am standing firm now, promise that i will work hard, because i know there isn't mush time leave.... is easy to say, but i will really work hard now, so don't worry so much about me...
I might be quieter than i used to be, so please get used to the new me....
thanks
9:44:00 AM
Tuesday, July 15, 2003
i am sorry if these few days i have offended you... i am really sorry...
i don't know what had happened to me, my attitude is really terrible...
i am very harsh and now trying to escape from everything... i am sorry....
i don't know what i should do now but just relax... all that i ask from you guys is to leave me for this moment, even though i know you guys care alot for me, but i just want some quiet time... to be alone... i will be very harsh to very thing, especially, my reply to your sms...
so i truly say, i am sorry, forgive me...
2:22:00 PM
Monday, July 14, 2003
out of a sudden, i hate everything... including school..
the old is gone and the new is coming but the new bad one is someone that i can't accept too... haiz...
i don't know what is bothering me, but i know and believe something must have gone wrong... but i don't know... now, i am giving up everything that i have, except church... i am still serving God but every other things are all not in my mind... so sad, but who cares... don't bothered about me cause, i, too, don't understand what's happening... now in my mind is just slack and heck... simply can't be bothered.. i know my exams are near but don't bothered me, just pray for me that i would not change from bad to worst but now i will still cahnge..
haiz, i am shock with my attitude too....
10:55:00 AM
Wednesday, July 09, 2003
wow, times flies..
i am having my english N-level oral this friday...
i am so afraid... haha...
but anyway pray for me...
thanks everyone
7:55:00 PM
Sunday, July 06, 2003
i thank God today.. for everything... things that goes the way He wants and things that don't go His way... i thank Him... today, to me, went so smoothly... thanks...
thank God...
7:31:00 PM
Tuesday, July 01, 2003
wow, school term starts...
first week only have remedials...
i know i can't afford to waste any more time... time flies so fast and i knew no more time should be waste...
haiz...
teach me dear lord, to focus on wat's important and what should i place first.... i know that God the first thing now is to pray real hard for the eplorsion that's coming up this sunday... God guide my heart on that.... i know if i put You and serve You before anything in my life, i am sure i have no worry... i serve God not because i know i have no worries but i know God planned my life and He is in-charge, so no worries... Pray for me friends... after this, i will really concentrate on my studies, i promise and i know God will guide me....
now why i think my God can do this bcoz of this song....
"GOD WILL MAKE A WAY"
GOD WILL MAKE A WAY,
WHEN THERE SEEMS TO BE NO WAY,
HE WORKS IN WAYS WE CANNOT SEE,
HE WILL MAKE A WAY FOR ME....
HE WILL BE MY GUIDE,
HOLD ME CLOSELY TO SIDE,
WITH LOVE AND STRENGTH FOR EACH NEW DAY,
HE WILL MAKE A WAY.....
HE WILL MAKE A WAY......
Wonderful song, perfect lyrics.... so wat more can i ask... wat more should i ask... nothing but putting God in front of everything... and He will make everything for me..
thank God
8:40:00 PM
