Wednesday, January 28, 2009
My Chinese "Boring" New Year
Gong Xi Gong Xi to everyone.
"Xin Nian Kuai Le" seems to be the popular sentence during Chinese New Year but this year, it seems that I only get the chance to say a few times. Simply because on the first day I was HOME the whole day due to chinese belief that if someone in your family passed away, the first year of his/her "departure", the family can't "bai nian" of which where I have to "obey". Well, I am home; nearing bored to death if there aren't books for me!
Knowing me, if I have "plenty" of times, beside doing what I love; reading, online or even writing, I will find myself THINKING. Many things ran through my mind of the First Day of Lunar New Year. First thing was "Why did I quit my job when I know the whole is in such a downtown!", "Would I believe that there will be a better job out there for me?" Anyway, I really have no fear or worries, cause there's a peace within my heart that guards all understanding! Such thoughts don't last long within me. =]
But a thought has been with me for very long. No matter how tough I thought I could, it never seems to be apprehensive well! I know what I want and I have been acting on what I want to make me overcome it, but everyday seems a little more difficult than the day before. Why was it so, how could it be? Yet above all, one thing I am thankful is that I am no longer being dealt with emotions, I have a better control over my emotions now! I just believe in times to come, I will be more than a conqueror. Now as I look back, there are no more tears to fight for, no more pain to heal, just an unwilling heart to let go where I know time will solve it through.
Many have had asked me how could I simply forgive when all seems so wrong. All I could reply was not "God help me!" rather I said, "I chose this way." I have had chosen forgiveness, not because it was easy, but because I do not wish to live in regret and certainly I know I am capable to forgive. I used to mention I "hate" this person(my dad in particular), but as I grow up and learn in life, well, the fact is I don't hate them at all, I HATE their ACTIONS. With this fact and knowledge, God and time became the healer of my heart. Today I look upon them, loving them as who they are because many of the actions I can remember NO MORE. =]
Someone mentioned to me, fight for what I want, and all I reply is, I will but how long would the battle be, I don't know. I am doing what I can, the best I know how and then move on in this area. Most important thing to me now is not about achieving the ultimate result, which is relationship or even courtship but leaving no regrets in life as you allow each day and moments to pass you by.
Anyway, this Chinese New Year I watched "The Wedding Game" and "Love Matters". Well, both are not as fanastic as I thought it to be and the words used are "gosh". The storyline is not as great too, but surely there's something for you to catch as you watch the shows! =] Woman are meant to be dote and love, and true relationship are not based on communications (though it is important) but also the time spend, the feelings one invested. Above all, mutual respest and honesty are what's important here. =]
I love You =]
10:57:00 AM
