Thursday, February 07, 2008
Sometimes, I rather live in a world of illusion, because reality can be so painful for me to bear. I thought I have the answer to what I have been searching for all these while, yet after a short period of intimacy, everything comes to light. All that I was probing was actually out of own wills and desires, and everything has to come to an end. I have no regrets for falling into that night of trap (desires), because I found love, but I do regret for showing more than what I ought to be.
Ever since then, I know I have not been the best friend I ought to behave and it seems to me that I have an invisible shield that’s protecting me throughout our conversations. I guess I am just protecting myself not to get myself so badly hurt again. Emotions have not taken a hold of me, but the devil of pessimism had. I was tormented by negative thoughts, words and even actions of the past, the present and the future.
God has been telling me to forgive, to let go, and to move on but I just have no strength to obey. I love what I am doing with you, I love to love, thus it seems just so tough to let go. I miss those times when we were so closed, when we were just there for one another, when there was no someone else, just us alone. I miss those times but they are nothing but memories to me today.
I really have no idea what more to say, seeing your photos of enjoyment, I guess the only way for me is to move on; NOT WAIT. I guess is not about just myself, but sometimes, I do wish we could reflect upon ourselves before we bombard unto others. Have you ever spare a thought for all the actions you are showing? I know my words hurt but your actions pierce through and tore me apart. I am smiling, because for more than once, I was hurt over the same issue!
Thank God for you still for everything you had taught me, from the basic thoughts of care and concern to the real actions of love. Thank you for spending so much of your prime time on me, I truly appreciate it. Now, I am reminded of my covenant once again! All right God, 21!
Tears of Joy in Christ,
Daphne Toh Chloe
6:08:00 PM
