Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Without a history in my family with the record of heart problems, it really alarmed me when I feel I have such a great difficulty in breathing. I was scared that I may die without doing much for God and for all the people I truly loved. I fear for death in moments like these. I woke up at 8am this morning; just to be sure I am fine. I consulted the doctor. He told me, it may due to some hormones changes in my body that's why I am feeling in such a way. He asked if I was seriously excited in sensitive topic that I have somehow got myself into. –
DEAR, no more CASE SENSITIVE topics- Well, that’s what he guessed, which I think it is not true. I believe topics such as Sex, Love, and Relationships are part and parcel of life, there is nothing to be shameful to share, right. He told me then was it because of weight lost that I am feeling such a way. I am not sure either.
He checked and found out that heartbeats was beating a little too fast than usual but all the other things like blood pressure and body temperature were fine. He told me that it is advisable for me to consult a specialist, for blood test and I don’t know what that has to be called. It is a machine that can “feel” your heartbeats and to check if there is anything that’s bothering/blocking. I practically spent the whole day out in clinic and hospital. I really thank God for daddy who was there to accompany me. –
Memories flashed back of that someone who was there to take care of me when I was so sick. Those time when he would use HOT water to massage my hand-
The results did show that there is something not right with me, but I don’t know how to explain and I am not claiming it into my life. I am praying that God is my Healer who will heal me. I will just follow the advise of doctors now, that I won’t exercise (
hope I don’t gain back to be a fat girl), I won’t do rigid or should I use weird activities (
don’t think wild) for this period of time. He told me to keep myself clam, to keep myself happy and to make sure I eat healthily. –
someone is going to nag at me soon-
You know since yesterday until now, when I feel the discomfort in my heart, I thought I was just letting go of a past and the uncertain future, but never did I expect that it was an illness. I feared. I felt so much a pain in my heart last night that I don’t know who to turn to, and while I was pulling myself to bed, I told God, I don’t want to die and I promise God I will treasure my life now.
Sometimes, it is true that life doesn’t have a second chance, and gazing upon the mistakes of life, I thought I rather die. Yet when I was at the edge of death, I appreciate all my wrongdoings for it had molded me to who I am today. -word of wisdom from God-
Nothing is as severe because God had given us the life to live again in His Victory.
I told life that I will not regret anything that I am deciding today. If I have had mentioned I love you, trust me from my heart that I truly do. If I have had said that I hate you, forgive me, for all I desire was your friendship all over again. If I have had ever hurt you knowingly or unknowingly, pardon me. I made mistakes in life and I hope God would grant you the grace to accept me as who I am again. I am serious this day, which I am not going to waste my life away; I don’t want to die without expressing myself unto anyone, anymore. If I love you, I truly do. If I appreciate you, I am serious. If I thank you, I am thankful. If I am sorry, I am sincere.
smile,
daphnechloefaithtohlianping
4:22:00 PM
