Sunday, January 20, 2008
This is really a very random post where I will/might bombard everything and anything. Before I am writing into the content, I am praying that it will not stumble you, but just allow my readers to have a chance to know a little in depth of what I am facing/going through in my life now.
Just a few days ago, I somehow encountered what’s the feeling of death and having nothing great completed by me and leave the world that God has created. It was an unforgettable experience and an important lesson that I am bringing throughout the rest of my life. I even wrote how thankful I am to have such a great parents in my life. I am still grateful about this fact today, but I am reminded no one is perfect. I love my parents but they sin, they fall, they cry. Many a times, I wished daddy would love mummy the way he loves me, but yet so often, daddy love other women more than mummy. He said it was some business show, he said it is some tag-along woman from China. HE SAID. Surely, HE FOUND HIMSELF those EXCUSES. I have had learnt through my life, especially after being a Christian and knowing all the spiritual realm stuff, I started to love my daddy more, but I have grown to HATE his ACTIONS.
Recently, I also found myself trapped in a situation where I just WANT to get into a relationship. I want to love and I want to be loved “desperately”. Yet there are so many factors to consider and to choose the wise choices of my life that I may have no regrets in life. I still hold on to my covenant that unless and until I am 21, I won’t get myself into one relationship. I can’t deny the fact that I am tempted, I am living in fantasy to have someone lavish his care and concern on me. Those moments I just wish I can have him throughout the rest of my life. I wish. However, on the other hand, whenever I see how his care and concern was shared among others, I’m jealous. He has grown to be someone really important in my life now that when I thought I could let go of him, it was another huge obstacles to hit on. I am still praying that the coming 8 months, I’ll be truly blessed with this faithful friendship and a deeper understanding of him. I have just learnt that loving is more than just having, it is just showing giving and giving with no regrets.
Moving on is certainly the choice I am taking. I have and I believe my future is so fulfilling with God’s promises when I moved on, than to stay on. Like what my beloved Pastor Kong preached yesterday, Faith is Confidence. I have faith in You means I have confidence in You. I walked by faith, means I walked by/with confidence. This is awesome. I mentioned to a few people about my decision, yet I finally realized how much values some people have. Like I said, I am moving on. I am stepping out in faith and in confidence. I know I will rise up and I know God has given me a time and a space like these to grow and stand up for Him. People out there, I am not going to prove to you what I can do with God in the other church. So, 5 years or 10 years down the road, even if I succeed or if I failed, let me say, I am still a child of God. My power, my position in Christ will never change. Whatever I am doing, I am doing to please only Him. If you can’t belss me, then let me bless you. My God is my God for life and I know I am His forever. Your words hurts and I can’t deny it, but out from your mouth, be is praise or hurts, I give it back to God. Only God’s Word can/will affect me today.
Recently, I am hearing the still, sweet voice of God once again. Yesterday, the presence of God filled the whole Expo Hall that people slain without any anointing from Pastors. A sister of mine fell flat to the ground (she made me fell and sat on the floor with her too) because the presence of God just overflow throughout the hall. I was actually trembling quite badly (it’s been ages since I felt in such a way; I remembered then when I was so hungry for the gift of tongues, I prayed and I trembled and 4 people around me fell due to the anointing of the Spirit and nothing happened to me. I remembered two out of the four sisters told me that because she saw God pouring oil over me and is overflowing, that’s why people around me are truly blessed that they fell too.) Yesterday when it happened, it reminds me of the incident years ago. I got the hint from the Lord that He saw my hunger this season and I am ready to do it at any cost, at any moment. He made me fell with the sister of mine yesterday. While we were on the floor, (I was in dress, unglam me) I can’t speak any English words, all that’s in mind is tongues. Suddenly when I spoke, I know God used my mouth as an instrument and my vocal as His voice. I can roughly still recall what I spoke, but ultimately, I told my sister, it was God who spoke. He just used me for that moment. I thank God for using me once again. I know God is picking me up.
As I was sharing with one of my friends yesterday, why some of us after we fall, we stand and rise up so much faster than any others? I gave the answer; it is because we had been to where God’s mountain is and we are desperate for those mountains again. For every successful walk with God towards the mountain, we will and have certainly experienced the journey of walking through the valley.
Thank You Jesus for everything. People, I am leaving because I WANT to leave. I am moving on because I WANT to move on. I am loving because I WANT to love. I am doing anything because I WANT to do it, not because I have to. I am in love with God, that’s why I WANT to do anything just for HIM today.
With Love,
Daphne_Chloe_Faith
Daphne_Chloe_Confidence
8:34:00 PM
