Monday, January 07, 2008

Just as I was really trying my best to do my homework -project, I was bombarded with so many thoughts that shouldn't even exist. I think about love, family, financial needs, studies, future, God, my physical appearance; you named it, I was thinking about it just a moment ago. I was lost, granting the only option, I turned to God for help because I know with my own strength, it will not be as beautiful as how God would want it to be.

I fear about my studies, because I have so little time to complete so much work. Though I am graduating in 4 weeks time, the amount of work that I have now, seems to me that I am still in year 1. I have no idea how all can be done, than to trust God. In His timing, everything will be done well. I pray for GRACE that my lecturers will be lenient in marking my work. :)

Sometimes, it is just so easy to say that I will resist temptations yet, when I was tempted, I felt so helpless, and many a times,I feel into the trap of temptation. I do regret, but yet again I also made the best lesson learnt out of it. I always tell myself thatI want to wait till 21, not because I am much more mature by then, but because I know I will be able to handle what's tasked and what I chose to take in life. I am saying that people who are in a relationship below the age of 21, their relationship is bound to fail. (Relationship is two parties thingy!) I just choose to wait till 21, before I get into a relationship.

Gazing upon the 8 more months, before the magical age, I fell badly emotionally. I can't wait to get myself to love someone. I just don't want to wait, but thank God, becasue the guy chose not to fall like I did. Though I know I maybe ready to get into it, I am reminded it is a 2 parties story. I was reminded of my covenant.

HE asked me this question before, "When you have crush on me, and I like you too. Then we proceed to be together, do you think we will still last till today?" I can't answer that question and he told me a straight NO, knowing firstly I had broke my covenant with God, how joyful will I be for the rest of my life with him? I may have broke just a covenant, but I will regret for breaking it! How true it is.

If I can't even hold onto what I promised God, what makes you think I can hold my promises to the guy who I claimed I love!? I can't believe I am loving you so much, but I told myself once again, I have to take you with an open hand, believing that if God gives you to me, He will take it away too. I am lost. Sometimes I wish I could have you right at those moment yet some other time, I just wish we were friends.

Can someone test me about my love for him! -haha-

Anyway, everything has to wait. He has his life that he wants to lead before allowing someone to walk with him, and so do I. Above all, I kept hearing the same voice saying that, "I have someone in mind, but I am keeping my options open." If I am that someone, I have to know the challenge with other girls that may come your way, yet if I am not that someone, I have to fight with the someone in your mind.

This is tough. Is there a easy way out in love? I have not lost faith, I had just lost the ability to dare myself to love. I know love is sacrifice, love is initating, and love is waiting. Well, afterall I am a timid girl, I dare not fail! :)

A song that spells out my heart for a moment.

Only Love - Trademark

2 a.m. and the rain is falling

Here we are at the crossroads once again

You're telling me you're so confused

You can't make up your mind

Is this meant to be

You're asking me

[Chorus]

But only love can say - try again or walk away

But I believe for you and me

The sun will shine one day

So I'll just play my part

And pray you'll have a change of heart

But I can't make you see it through

That's something only love can do

In your arms as the dawn is breaking

Face to face and a thousand miles apart

I've tried my best to make you see

There's hope beyond the pain

If we give enough, if we learn to trust

[Chorus]

I know if I could find the words

To touch you deep inside

You'd give our dream just one more chance

Don't let this be our last good-bye

Love,

Daphne_Chloe_Faith