Wednesday, November 15, 2006
29 October to 2 November 2006
Those days had been marked as the worst days of my life. It was the most painful and toughest moments to go through with no strength to sit down, stand up, read the bible or even chew something with my mouth. I could just lie down and shut myself from this world of ugliness. I did not think about what will even happen the next moment or what I should do the next day. I just sleep through the days as if tomorrow will be the day I am in Heaven.
As my physically body recovers slightly on 3 November, I took out the bible and read; it was as if I open a book of treasure. As I read Psalm 1, God impressed in my heart the blessings I will received living according to His will and direction.
Verse 1a: BLESSED is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked (NIV)
: Oh, the JOY of those who do not follow the advice of the wicked (NLT)
Verse 6a: For the Lord watches over the way of the righteous (NIV)
: For the Lord watches over the path of the godly (NLT)
It caught my attention of what the Lord is doing with the lives that surrender to Him. That very night, I prayed the Lord’s Prayer once again asking and telling Jesus, I am nothing without Him and I can do nothing without Him. It was really a turning point of my life. I felt so new and refreshed, charged and ready to do anything at any cost to proclaim my Jesus is real and His name shall reign forever.
I woke up very early that Saturday morning to pray and read the bible. It was such a nice feeling to start the day by asking the Lord to bless the day and programs ahead. It was one of the best mornings not rushing to get my morning routines done but rather looking and enjoying my very move with God just by my side. It was so “shiok” a feeling to adopt, but it was tough to wake up slightly earlier to just seek the Lord. Yet I remembered I told the Lord that I will do anything at any cost for Him.
4 November to 13 November 2006
After 19 years on earth, after 5 years of knowing the Lord; these 9 days have had also been remembered as the best days. I woke up every morning with the strength of the Lord and found that His love, grace, mercy are new very morning. Each morning a Psalm makes me lingered in the presence of God throughout the day and each Psalm gives me more insight of how my God loves me. Trials and the negative world did slap me to think like the world does, but I know that God does not wants me to think the way that will pull me down and make me sad. So every moment when the Satan took me away from the goodness of God, my spirit man is sensitive to pull me back to reality with God. I was happy throughout the 9 days, because nothing can steal me away from God. His joy and peace are not what mere man can describe or any word to explain.
14 November 2006
A day of horror came banging before me, I was push back and I fell. I fall to the reality world that no one actually cares about my existence. The thoughts of being happy and be the light that shines for Christ showed me that no one was there to walk with me. I was just like a transparent glass towards everyone. It makes me wonder and ponder that only when my world is in darkness then people will have their concern over me. Where are my friends who can share my joy? I really think and I ask, “Who are actually my “friends” who will walk with me in times of troubles and in time of joy?” Someone welcomed me to the reality world in the period of darkness.
I really pray earnestly that the Lord see how weak I am in the reality and He will give me the courage to just “Cast all my anxiety, knowing He cares for me” (1 Peter 5:7) The journey ahead is tough especially with the Satan trying to kill, steal and destroy any plans I have for the Lord. I still seek the Lord every morning with a Psalm to continue my day and learning to just think the way God thinks and not the world thinks.
I just want to thank you for being listening to my grumble complains and sharing with me what you have had gone through as well. Thank you.
11:56:00 AM