Thursday, July 17, 2003
When i felt that night was so quiet, my loved were all far away, my heart starts to pump faster... "Where am I?", "What am I suppose to do now?", was the questions i asked myself... No one is near, all seems to be so far, far than wat i can see.... loneliness was wat's near....
Freedom was wat i am seeking..... Peace was wat i want... Looking forward to very brand new day that God created, but now instead of looking to the future i kept looking back, to the sadness and disappointments i had... Now, although, i am physically well
, but my mentally is not well.... i want queitness and peace, so that i can do wati wanted...
To add to my previous entries, why i had changed so much... This few days when i am at home, during my quiet time, i pray that God would allowed me to the answer(till now still no answer).... I was thinking why i have changed to someone that hate everythings, suprising including school... Maybe is my class...I have no idea too...
During this period of time, i even thought of dropping my studies and went on to do things that i loved to do.... But really thank God that He didn't allow me to have so much of that dirty thinking... But instead, i told myself: "if i were to give up everything, what can i do in the future? My loved, sweet and friendlly pals and teachers are all there, why do i want to leave?" Giving up is not a right choice, but yet we should insist on carry on even when the path seems so long and never ending.. If i were to give up now, then when can i succeed??
This week were suppose for me to think about wat i am doing now, will it affect my future?? i found the answer.... Thought of giving myself some quiet time, ended getting myself sick... but also is a good time of my relection of wat i have done for the past six months was it right??
Though is rather difficult to study in my lovely, yet noisy class, but i am studying for myself and my future, not because of them.... So i have to make my own stand even though they are noisy... What they are doing might not be wat i want... Example, creating noise and slacking though exams is just around the corner.... I should make my own stand and not join them to create trouble....
WE are all changing is whether to the better or to the worst, so i thank everyone that are by my side when cloud had covered up my wonderful sun.... thank you, for your advise that i am standing firm now, promise that i will work hard, because i know there isn't mush time leave.... is easy to say, but i will really work hard now, so don't worry so much about me...
I might be quieter than i used to be, so please get used to the new me....
thanks
9:44:00 AM
